I agree with almost all the things that you said. You did focus on one thing, you did add facts or questions, and you did have emotions to make the reader understand. You also could improve on not use one word, but I do think that your word choice was excellent! That was what I was going to say on what you did well. Now you could improve on putting a space after commas, (There is one that you did not put a space next to.) but I still love your essay, and you have got me convinced!
I agree with almost all the things that you said. You did focus on one thing, you did add facts or questions, and you did have emotions to make the reader understand. You also could improve on not use one word, but I do think that your word choice was excellent! That was what I was going to say on what you did well. Now you could improve on putting a space after commas, (There is one that you did not put a space next to.) but I still love your essay, and you have got me convinced!
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